Miata Mailing List: October 1998, Message #222

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A peek inside Martha Stewart's 1999 calendar:


Jan. 1:    Catch up on gardening-sew leaves back onto trees. Do all cooking for 1997.

Jan. 2:    Take dog apart.  Disinfect.  Reassemble. 

Jan. 3:    Align carpets to adjust for curvature of earth. 

Jan. 4:    Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks.

Jan. 5:    Lay Faberge egg.

Jan. 6:    Freshen air in home by sliding a dozen Dr. Scholl's shoe inserts into heat pump.

Jan. 7:    Visit crematorium. Collect dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts. 

Jan. 8:    Culture ancient DNA into dinosaurs for nieces and nephews.

Jan. 9:    Receive delivery of new phone books. Old ones make ideal personal address books; simply cross out the names of all the people you do not know.

Jan. 10:   Finish needlepoint colostomy cozy. 

Jan. 11:   Organize spice racks by genus and phylum. 

Jan. 12:   Attend workshop on obsessive-compulsive disorders. Take verbatim notes.

Jan. 13:   Address sympathy cards for all friends with elderly relatives, so that they're all ready to be mailed the moment death occurs.

Jan. 14:   Replace air in minivan tires with Glade air freshener in case tires are shot out at the mall.

Jan. 15:   MLK birthday. Find out who MLK is. 

Jan. 16:   Get new eyeglasses; grind lenses myself. 

Jan. 17:   Using candlewick and hand gilded miniature pine cones, fashion cat-o'-nine-tails. Flog gardener.

Jan. 18:   Repaint Sistine